OCD

I had no idea
how mentally ill
I really was.

I thought everyone turned off the lights
eleven times before bed
so as not to become a pedophile
in the morning.

I thought men wanted to kill me.

I thought I had testicular cancer.

But I didn’t just think those things.

So in 2020
I stole my dad’s handgun
and deep throated.

I was this close to pulling the trigger.

I forget what stopped me.

But I’m alive.

I’d like to say I thought of my mother.

But really I think I was just scared
of death.

I was so scared all the time.

Two weeks later
I started medication
and never had an unreal thought
again.

Can you imagine my euphoria
and anger?

I’m just now beginning life.

Alan

ancient greek statue
no limbs
a very small penis
outside the museum
you say
i’ll look as cracked
after we fuck tonight
ha ha ha ha ha ha
i smile
okay weirdo
jesus christ dude
you’ve sucked me off
like twice

maybe i’m a prude

Front Yard

So many mosquitos

I could walk down rusty train tracks
and never be seen again

My tattoo of a centipede hurts
because it’s new

My dick hurts because you sucked it
for 30 minutes

I’m thankful for all the colors
and all the flowers in this old world

I love your body and how you are

Everything is so ball-drippingly sweet

Fucking Walt Whitman

I’d be one of those boys he touched