Howdy Stranger, this is Howser

SwimmersEar69: hello cutie pie

SwimmersEar69: one of us is in deep trouble

RussConklin15: lol sweet screenname who’s this?

SwimmersEar69: IM DETECTIVE JOHN KIMBALL

RussConklin15: wait are you serious?

SwimmersEar69: YES

SwimmersEar69: IM DECTITIVE JOHN kIMBALL

RussConklin15: sorry but there’s no way you’re a cop

RussConklin15: my dad is the head manager at circuit city and he barely knows what instant messenger is so there’s no way you’re a cop

SwimmersEar69: IM DETCETIVE JOhN KIMBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111111111111111111!!!!!!!1111 ASDIFHP W8EYFA

RussConklin15: whoa ok sorry calm down

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SwimmersEar69: hello cutie pie

SwimmersEar69: one of us is in DEEEEEEEEEEEEEP troubleeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

RussConklin15: seriously who is this

SwimmersEar69: DECTIVE JOHN KIMBALL!!!!!!

RussConklin15: is that your real name? why does that sound so familiar

SwimmersEar69: Because im dECTETIVE JOHN KIMBALL

RussConklin15: wait isn’t that Arnold’s name in kindergarden cop?

SwimmersEar69: I LIKE YOU RUSSEL

SwimmersEar69: YOU AND I ARE GOING TO HANG OUT UNTIL THE END OF TIMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

RussConklin15: lol yeah that’s definitely from kindergarden cop

RussConklin15: me and my older sister have been saying that line to each other ever since we saw it on starz over the weekend

SwimmersEar69: whats a matter

RussConklin15: what?

SwimmersEar69: i SAID wHATS THE MATTER

RussConklin15: oh

RussConklin15: it’s just that I don’t mind talking about movies or whatever because I’m a big Arnold fan too but I kind of need to know who you are

RussConklin15: the rents don’t like me talking to people online who I don’t know in real life

RussConklin15: I had some messed up stuff happen to me last year when I was a freshman so I don’t use instant messenger with people I don’t know in real life sorry

SwimmersEar69: FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE

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SwimmersEar69: howdy stranger, this is howser

RussConklin15: ok I know for a fact that’s from total recall but that’s messed up

RussConklin15: don’t call me an asshole when I didn’t do anything wrong

RussConklin15: you’re the one who started talking to me and I don’t even know who you are

SwimmersEar69: im ben richards, the butcher of bakersfield

RussConklin15: that’s not your real name

RussConklin15: that’s Arnold’s name from the running man

RussConklin15: I just watched that two weeks ago right after this kid in my social studies class made this poster about

RussConklin15: wait

RussConklin15: is this jake skinner from Topine high in New York?

SwimmersEar69: nope

SwimmersEar69: im the world famous comedian, Arnold Brownschweiger

RussConklin15: come on this is jake isn’t it

RussConklin15: you sit behind me in Nelson’s social studies class

RussConklin15: you made that poster of the top ten Arnold Schwarzenegger movies just before everything happened

SwimmersEar69: you mean before my older brother blew his head off with a glock in our bedroom??????????????????????????????????????????????????

SwimmersEar69: is that the everything your talking about russel?????????????????????????

RussConklin15: I’m so sorry I didn’t mean anything

SwimmersEar69: lmfao its fine russ your a good dude

SwimmersEar69: you got to go easy on that hair gel tho

SwimmersEar69: most days your head looks like a fuckin hornets nest or some shit

SwimmersEar69: and thats no good

SwimmersEar69: Arnie would not approve

RussConklin15: lol yeah it gets pretty messed up on the way to school because the gel takes so long to dry

SwimmersEar69: and I think you need to start hitting the gym too

SwimmersEar69: got to lift those weights until your biceps cum

RussConklin15: lol wtf?

SwimmersEar69: Arnold says that in pumping iron

SwimmersEar69: I guess thats one Arnold movie you haven’t seen

RussConklin15: yeah no I haven’t seen that one

SwimmersEar69: it’s a documentary about Arnolds weightlifting days

SwimmersEar69: at some point he says that the burning feeling he gets from lifting weights is as good as cumming

SwimmersEar69: its awesome and hilarious just like the man himself

RussConklin15: lol what

RussConklin15: that’s crazy that he actually said something like that

SwimmersEar69: yeah its pretty great

RussConklin15: yeah

RussConklin15: so how have you been doing

RussConklin15: you haven’t been in school since your brother

SwimmersEar69: since my brother what

RussConklin15: sorry I didn’t mean anything bad

SwimmersEar69: since my brother what russ???????????????????

SwimmersEar69: you need to type the fuckin words russ

SwimmersEar69: because if you and everybody else keeps dancing around the truth with this hippy dippy pussy wussy bullshit it will never be real

SwimmersEar69: and if its never real nobody will ever be able to get past it

SwimmersEar69: so you need to go ahead and type the words russy wussy

RussConklin15: I’m really sorry I shouldn’t have said anything

SwimmersEar69: too late fucker

SwimmersEar69: you did say something so now you need to TYPE THE FUCKIN WORDS!!!!!!1

SwimmersEar69: its easy just do it like this

SwimmersEar69: how are you doing jake? You havent been at school since YOUR BROTHER KEITH BLEW HIS BRAINS OUT WITH A GLOCK

SwimmersEar69: ARE YOU OK? DOES IT BOTHER YOU THAT ALL YOU SMELL WHEN YOU WALK PAST YOUR BEDROOM IS SHIT MIXED WITH GUNPOWDER?

SwimmersEar69: DOES IT MAKE YOU SAD THAT YOU CAN STILL SMELL THAT SMELL EVEN AFTER YOUR BEDROOM WAS CLEANED UP BY A PROFESSIONAL CRIMESCENE CLEANUP SERVICE?

SwimmersEar69: DO YOU GET ALL EMO AND SHIT WHEN YOUR MOM TREATS YOU LIKE A FOUR YEAR OLD WHO CANT DEAL WITH SHIT BY TAKING YOU OUT TO THE MOVIES ON THE DAY THE PROFESSIONAL CRIMESCENE CLEANUP SERVICE PARKS THEIR VAN IN FRONT OF YOUR HOUSE AND CLEANS YOUR BROTHERS BLOOD AND SKULL FRAGMENTS OFF THE WALL NEXT TO YOUR BED?

SwimmersEar69: DOES THAT BOTHER YOU JAKEY WAKEY?

SwimmersEar69: see its easy

SwimmersEar69: now its your turn

SwimmersEar69: just do it like that

RussConklin15: I’m so sorry jake but I’m not going to say that

SwimmersEar69: well i guess i was right about you then

SwimmersEar69: you are a fuckin pussy who uses too much hair gel

SwimmersEar69: i guess ill see you around russy mussy pussy wussy

SwimmersEar69: or not because im driving into NYC tomorrow morning to meet with the same guy who sold my brother his gun

SwimmersEar69: id use keiths glock but the po-po’s or whoever took it away

SwimmersEar69: so have a nice life russ

RussConklin15: wait but why does it smell like shit I thought you said your brother shot himself

SwimmersEar69: because at the moment of death the bowels release

SwimmersEar69: so he shit his pants just after he blew his head off

SwimmersEar69: and since the gunpowder and the shit were released at the same time the smells mixed together

SwimmersEar69: and that was the first thing i smelled when i opened our bedroom door before i even saw his body or the blood on the wall or anything else

SwimmersEar69: and now every time i try to go up to the second floor of our house all i smell is my dead brothers shit mixed with gunpowder

SwimmersEar69: so i cant go up there anymore

SwimmersEar69: since then ive been trying to sleep on the couch in the living room downstairs but its been really hard

SwimmersEar69: now most nights i just watch Arnold movies or play n64

SwimmersEar69: i finally beat turok 2 a few days ago tho and it was fuckin awsome

SwimmersEar69: the last two levels are so crazy and long and confusing but their so amazing

SwimmersEar69: you got to get that game if you have an n64 i swear to god russy play fuckin turok

SwimmersEar69: but just 2 not the original

SwimmersEar69: 2 is so much better than 1

RussConklin15: yeah that’s what I heard

RussConklin15: I want it so bad but my rents won’t buy it for me

RussConklin15: they say it’s too violent

SwimmersEar69: yeah its pretty fuckin violent

SwimmersEar69: theres this crazy gun called the cerebral bore that shoots a pod that drills into the enemies head and then it blows up and their head blows up

SwimmersEar69: its almost as awesome as the end of commando when Arnold throws a steam pipe thru bennets chest and tells him to let off some steam

RussConklin15: lol wow that sounds pretty crazy

RussConklin15: but yeah my rents would kill me if they ever saw that so it’s no wonder why they won’t get it for me

RussConklin15: I guess I’ll just have to wait until senior year when I finally turn 17 and I can buy it myself

SwimmersEar69: yeah its violent as hell but the thing that adults don’t get is that its silly too

SwimmersEar69: like Arnolds movies

SwimmersEar69: im pretty sure keith blew his head off because he felt as shitty as i do right now not because he watched too many Arnold movies or played too much doom or turok or whatever

RussConklin15: yeah maybe

RussConklin15: but what about turok 3?

SwimmersEar69: i havent played it russy it just came out

RussConklin15: but if you drive to NYC and buy a gun and shoot yourself like your brother did you’ll never get to play it and that would really suck

RussConklin15: and Terminator 3 also

RussConklin15: Terminator 2 was one of the best movies ever so I’m sure they’ll make another one

RussConklin15: don’t you want to be around to see that?

SwimmersEar69: damn

SwimmersEar69: you got me there

SwimmersEar69: but im so tired russ

SwimmersEar69: im so fuckin tired

SwimmersEar69: you know what i did that night after i beat turok?

RussConklin15: no tell me

SwimmersEar69: it was after 2 in the morning and everyone else was asleep so i walked out the front door of my house and laid down in the middle of the street and asked my brother to send a car to come and run me over

RussConklin15: wow

RussConklin15: I’m so sorry

SwimmersEar69: you need to stop with the sorry sorry shit russ

SwimmersEar69: just be real for fucks sake

RussConklin15: ok

RussConklin15: well in that case I’m glad your brother didn’t listen to you that night

SwimmersEar69: HE WAS LISTENING DUMBASS!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RussConklin15: sorry

SwimmersEar69: SAY SORRY AGAIN

SwimmersEar69: SAY SORRY ONE MORE MOTHERFUCKIN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111!!

SwimmersEar69: lmfao yeah thats not Arnold but Samuel L in pulp fiction is pretty classic too

RussConklin15: lol wow you scared the crap out of me

RussConklin15: yeah that’s a good movie too

RussConklin15: but if your brother was listening, then what did he say?

SwimmersEar69: he didnt really say much in the word sense

SwimmersEar69: he just kind of materialized in the road beside me out of nowhere

SwimmersEar69: it was def weird and at first i didnt really know what to say but then i started talking about how i finally beat the lair of the blind ones in turok after we had been stuck on that level for like a year and then i just kept talking and after a while things went right back to how they were last summer before he started up with his community college shit and got all depressed and everything

SwimmersEar69: it was pretty sweet

RussConklin15: that does sound cool

SwimmersEar69: yeah

SwimmersEar69: and after that we started reminiscing about this day last summer when me and him drove around for a couple hours and went out to this amazing chinese food buffet next to genos pizza place in that little strip mall on the edge of town

SwimmersEar69: that was a great day

RussConklin15: wow yeah that does sound like an amazing day

SwimmersEar69: yeah

SwimmersEar69: but then i forgot he was dead and i turned to the side to look at him and i saw that nobody was there

SwimmersEar69: and that was when i finally realized i was totally alone in the world and that the only person who ever understood me was gone forever so i decided right then to drive into the city to meet with the gun guy

SwimmersEar69: because who gives a shit right russ?

SwimmersEar69: i dont have my license yet but keith had been letting me drive his car since last summer so i already know how to drive it

SwimmersEar69: and its not like ive got anything better to do with the rest of my life

SwimmersEar69: lmfao im pretty sure it was going to be all downhill from here anyway

SwimmersEar69: so be good buddy

SwimmersEar69: and go easy on that hair gel

RussConklin15: but what if you did have something better to do?

SwimmersEar69: thanks russ but im good

SwimmersEar69: i finally feel ok with everything now that ive decided to do this so im not going to bail on that now

RussConklin15: well then what if you just push the NYC plan back a few days so we can hangout and play some turok this weekend or something

RussConklin15: after talking to you tonight I kind of wish we had been friends earlier because you’re pretty cool

RussConklin15: and I would say sorry for being a dick and never talking to you even though I sit right in front of you in Nelson’s class but I know you hate it when I say sorry so I won’t

SwimmersEar69: haha thanks russy

RussConklin15: so will you do it jake?

RussConklin15: you can sleep over my house on friday and then once my rents go to bed we can play some turok and watch that Arnold movie you were telling me about with that weird line Arnold says

RussConklin15: and my rents are really heavy sleepers so we can prob sneak outside and hangout with your bro too

RussConklin15: after hearing you talk about him he sounds really cool and I really want to meet him now

RussConklin15: if that’s ok with you I mean

SwimmersEar69: jesus christ

SwimmersEar69: you are such a fuckin nerd

RussConklin15: lol yeah that’s what everyone says about me

RussConklin15: so what do you say?

RussConklin15: do you want to sleep over my house on friday?

SwimmersEar69: my god you are such a nerd

RussConklin15: so you’ll come over on friday?

SwimmersEar69: shit

SwimmersEar69: i dont know

SwimmersEar69: im so tired russ

RussConklin15: ok you can go to bed soon but if you’re going to sleep over I just have to tell my mom by thursday morning so she can buy extra food for dinner on friday

RussConklin15: so can you tell me before bed tomorrow night?

SwimmersEar69: jesus your such a goddamn nerd

RussConklin15: can you jake?

SwimmersEar69: yeah fine ill think about it christ almighty

RussConklin15: cool, sounds good!

RussConklin15: talk to you tomorrow!

RussConklin15: g’night jake!

SwimmersEar69: my god your annoying

SwimmersEar69: but whatever

SwimmersEar69: talk to you tomorrow i guess

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