a new car pulled in

his neighbor pulled up
in a new car
boy what a car
some of the other neighbors
came over to admire it

when they got back inside their house
his wife carried on about it
how the car looked
how it smelled
that kind of thing

he’d lost his job recently
two mortgage bills screamed
from a drawer in the kitchen
they hadn’t had sex in months
the neighbor’s kids all had good grades
and knew how to swim
and ski downhill

he told his wife he was going to stay up
and watch Jimmy Kimmel
that’s what he said anyway
she went to bed
then he snuck downstairs
and tried to kill himself
by a low hang
from a doorknob
he’d been researching it
but his wife caught him
she couldn’t sleep
and went searching for him
and found him “just in time”

the next morning he threw on
a turtleneck
and went out to look for work

recollections

she fell down the staircase
deep in wine
it scared the dogs
and set them off
the dogs woke the kids
and the kids woke the old man
who was also drunk
but asleep

he found her
at the bottom of the stairs
she had a cut on her head
there was red wine
and broken glass
all over the floor
she still had the stem in her hand
she was breathing heavy
he was too

he put her over his shoulder
and started up the staircase
then he lost his footing
then she went tumbling down
again
this time it woke her up
she starting yelling at him
saying he threw her
she had wine
and glass
all knotted up in her hair
she was screaming a blue streak
and kind of moving around
on the floor
she said she’d call the cops
she was cussing him out
yelling shit
she was kicking her feet
she was moving around…
she wasn’t making sense…
then she passed out

then for years she told the story
about the time he tried to kill her
on the stairs
she never believed him
that she got the cut on the first fall
that lousy bitch

training wheels

it all started
when they took the
training wheels off
they were down at the park
he sent his daughter off
down the sidewalk
on her bike
he had a little travel mug
with his vodka sprite in it

she flew over the handlebars
about a block away
she had a helmet…

the wife ran to her
he had to do a slow jog
he didn’t want to spill his drink

when he caught up
his wife laid into him
she started shit right there
in the street
she was all up in his face
she didn’t make sense
not really…
so he threw her to the ground
it was like this little
body slam
she went down hard
but got up quick
and backed off
then he threw the bike
at a car going by
his daughter was crying
his wife was still screaming
from a little ways off
probably about being thrown down
they were making
a bunch of noise
he hated it
so he jogged off
with his mug

he was stopped by the cops
about two blocks over
walking fast
smoking a cigarette
it was a nice neighborhood
where people grew vegetables
in raised beds
and went out a lot
and tipped 25%
and supported all kinds of causes
with their checkbooks
and called the cops on each other

after school

camel lights
marlboro lights
parliament lights
black light posters
garage fights
and the smell of unburnt shwag
a Jansport backpack full
of warm Stroh’s
racists, sadists, lepers
latent fags in the prime of youth
an older brother in
the split level with a friend
together under a blanket
in the middle of a
jerk off race to cinemax cliches
a kitchen tv blaring sally jesse rafael
ashtrays
frozen pizzas
frozen taquitos
ass slaps
an oven beeping
rolling padded kitchen chairs
boys clutching dicks
raging erections
touching heads
linoleum waves
cool ranch doritos
teen jungles
dr pepper
vodka with sprite
k swiss shoes in the entryway…
hustler mags in a drawer
an old lacquered dresser
with a million socks
jnco jeans on the floor
a pac sun bag on a chair
a waft of hockey breezers…
hockey pads hanging from the ceiling
a fleece blanket over the bay window
a fireplace
that hasn’t been used in 16 years
cigarette holes in the couch
the loud drunk kid with
the ice in his ears
says he’ll pay for it
he’s a k swiss junky
he’s high
he has a backpack
full of no limit records
stolen from target
more garage fights
more vodkas with sprite
the single mom of the house
works a night shift
everyone passes out
to death row records,
porn, pizzas, and america online

community work service

jim took a piss in an alley. outside a bar. and got slapped with a fine and some community work service. it was his second conviction. so the judge made him work it off. he signed up for meals on wheels. he heard about it somewhere. he decided to do the work along with his old lady. she wanted to come with. she thought it would be good for her too. it would get her out of the apartment. so jim and elaine showed up at the church at about 11:30. there was a line of other volunteers. there were about six people in front of them. he could hear the lady sitting at the table. she was an old hag. she was giving instructions. she was handing things out. she said to one volunteer, “he may or may not answer the door in a dress.”

when it was their turn the lady in charge gave out a sigh when she saw elaine. she said to jim, “i recommend that only you go to the door.” jim said why. the lady said the guy on their route can get aggressive with women. jim didn’t care. elaine didn’t care. what’s some old guy with a cat call anyway. so they grabbed the bags of meals. then jim got a signature from the lady to prove to his probation officer that he was there. then they beat it out of the church. the day was bright. it was hot. it was nice.

they pulled up in front of the house. the one they were warned about. it was a tiny bungalow with fading paint and a jungle for a yard. they saw a set of eyes peeking out from behind some window blinds. big yellow aching eyes. then the blinds flashed shut. the eyes were gone. jim went up to do the front door. elaine stayed in the car. they followed the advice. then a guy ran out of the house by a different door and kind of came around the side. in the nude. and fully erect. he leapt onto jim’s car and started dancing on the hood. jumping up and down. elaine was inside screaming. the window wouldn’t go up. the motor was broken. the guy was jerking off on the car. and spitting and screaming. saying this is what you get you cunt. he was stomping around. and really jerking himself off. the hood was getting dented. elaine was losing her shit inside. jim was strategizing on the lawn. he wanted to tackle the guy off but he didn’t want to get hit with dick. it was a real fatty. and it was getting waved all over through the air. then the guy started to come on the windshield. elaine tried the wipers. they streaked it all over the glass. they were out of washer fluid. the windshield looked like a jackson pollock. then out of nowhere the guy jumped from the hood and grabbed up the bag of food on the ground and flew into his house. like a bolt goblin, like grease lightning. they heard the door slam. then they saw the eyes again through the blinds. the guy cracked a window. they could hear his laughter. they could hear him eating and laughing in there. he was getting a real kick out of it! then jim started the car up and floored it outta there. he was bitching at elaine for turning the wipers on. yelling how can i see through all this shit! it was quite a punishment for merely taking a piss in an alley.